Jul 30, 2012

Boom Baby!

Mom? mom? mom?...Golf Claps to me! I will wait while you do so...... ...  ... Thank you! Yesterday, I returned to Dulles Airport, and picked up my two gorgeous children, AND their cousin, with no mishaps, tussles, quandaries, problems, or shenanigans. YES! I AM that awesome. I then drove them all over to see their other cousins who are visiting from Louisiana, an hour away from the airport. Let them all visit for a couple of hours. Drove an hour home. See? That's how a Mom does it! I got up, cleaned the house, dyed my hair, took a shower, drove to the airport..got shiz done!.. took the kids avisitin'.. drove home, went to the grocery store, made dinner. Got shiz done!
Women get shiz done. It's how we are made, and how we survive. At least the women I know, and choose to concern myself with. We aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice. We are made of guts, and teeth, and elbow grease. We figure it out, and keep on rolling. We can survive for days on a power bar and a bottle of water if we have to. Especially if we had to in order to protect our children or sacrifice for them in some way.

That's why these little *Bravos* with their incessant whining, and their hands always stuck out with gimmee looks on their faces, and repulsively entitled attitudes disgust me. They give they rest of us a bad name.  They always look like they smell something that stinks too, and I'm pretty sure it's them. Smelly Bravos, wash your buts.

Seriously? WTF has happened with women? Women busted their butts to get us where we are today! They rallied, and fought, and protested, and picketed, and were harassed, and jailed, and scorned to get us the rights that we have today. To a place where we could even be able to work, or vote or even HAVE an opinion. One that wasn't either A. Your father's or B. Your husband's. That's all you could have. That's it. Want to go back and live in that world? I sure as hell don't! Women today should feel empowered, not embittered. And yet, here we have these women who are happy as clams to sit back and do nothing but act like little 'useless females' so that some man has to do everything for them.
Foxtrot that!

Now, I will take a giant leap down off of my soapbox.. Felt strongly about that one. 

Jul 24, 2012

Armpits and Bad Service

You know where armpits and bad service go hand in hand? The Airport! Why is it that you CANNOT go to the airport without smelling someones nasty, foul, four day old pizza smelling, stank, putrid, ghastly, funk armpits? Every. Time. Wafting..Just wafting..

There I was innocently trying to load two of my precious, gorgeous children onto a plane to Kansas today. The stupid cantankerous beaver(*note-I wanted to use a stronger word here but, I've been cleaning it up) whom I tried to get help from sent me to the very far desk to wait my turn, whereupon I did indeed wait. And wait. For an hour. Behind a man who had been standing there waiting for two hours. The lady 'helping' him, never acknowledged us. Not once, not even a nod. Finally, after I had gone over to ask for a supervisor three times, it was finally my turn.. And we were in the wrong line.

Of course we were! I had only asked three different people where to go, how could we not be in the wrong place? Mercifully, after her being rude to me, rude to my daughter (hello? is she that stupid?) with tickets in hand we descend to security and wait some more in the mouse maze, only to be told that Vapid McCandytits didn't give me a gate pass, so I had to kiss my kids really quick and send them on their way.. alone. Whaaat? Alone? I know..They are 17, and 13.. Not Babies. But still, I am paranoid Mom. I don't let my daughter walk to the playground to play with her friends. unless she has other friends walking with her, and even then I worry. Paranoid Mom.

Then, I had to leave the airport, with a panic attack, trying to breathe, trying not to cry in front of people, because I despise people seeing me cry, and wait in the car, just to make sure they did indeed get on the plane safely.

I had to restrain myself mightily not to go back over to that desk and have a little chat with Vapid, now that the kids weren't there to witness their Mom be a Monster Bravo. But, I was already too far beyond outraged.. You know that point you reach when you are crying mad? And then you are even more angry because you are? Yeeeeaaaaah. It wouldn't have been pretty. I would have looked like a crazy person, and been on the news, and embarrassed my family and friends. And they would have been all "Oh it's OK Kelly, anyone would have lost it" When really they would have been thinking "Kelly has finally flipped her noodle!, we knew it was coming!"

Now, I feel all incomplete..and unfinished. If anyone needs someone to tell her she's an Alpha Hotel, it's her, and I missed my chance for it to be me!

Jul 20, 2012

Tripping the Gluten Fantastic

So, I said I would post a Gluten blog, and here it is..


And done.

For real Yo! That's all I got! After awhile, it became easy, it's not such a big deal anymore. You eat, it's gluten free, so it doesn't make you sick, and that's it. You know what you can and cannot eat anymore, so you adapt.

And adapt, and adapt some more. Sometimes, you get glutened by accident, and feel like crap for days, while the toxins make their way through your system. Stupid glutinous poison. But, usually, it's just the same ol', same ol'.

It's the other stuff that's a pain in the butt. You try to find food that doesn't have artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, preservatives OR gluten in it. OR growth hormones. OR antibiotics, and is organic. Who eats like this? Who am I? Brad Pitt?



Yeaaaahhh.... Not hardly.  I'm not gettin' me Mum Pink curtains fer her Caravan either! For those of you who didn't get that reference.. Shame! Just, shame! Snatch was awesome.

Ok, snapping back from the A.D.D abyss, and back to the gluten.. There's really not much to say anymore. I've said it, so I will recap. Be careful little Glutenators. Don't be fooled by packaging. Don't eat anything at any Fast Food restaurant. When your gut feels a million times better after you stop eating gluten, be thankful. Your gut is! Don't give a crap what your friends, or family, or co-workers, or Uncle Gerald, or your cat think. They.don't.know... They have no idea what's it's like to curl up into a ball and die a little from the pain in your gut because you ate a bowl of frosted flakes. Nor, do they know how hard it is to be vigilant in the beginning when you first have to watch every single thing you put into your mouth. I do. And, I'm proud of you!

Jul 18, 2012

Yep! It HAS Been THAT Long!

Sure has! It has been a VERY long time since I have blogged at all. And it has been an adventure for me. It's been full of love, happiness, sadness, laughter, tears, rage, health, sickness, work, play,  in short.. life. Life is funny, just when you think..meh..I'm done .. I'm just not meant to be (insert whatever it is here that you thought you weren't meant to be, have, or do).. BOOM! Life says.. Nope.. Here you go.

And think you just stand there and blink stupidly for a moment, or in my case quite a few moments..And then you realize that everything happens in your life for a reason. To teach us what we need to know, or to guide us where we need to be.  The moral of this little tale is to never give up. Never let that voice in your head win. The one that tells you to quit. To stop. To give in. To give up. To back down. To sink.

Swim Upstream.