Aug 9, 2012

Nothin' but net!

I am nothing if not graceful let me tell you! They should have just named my ass Grace and gotten it over with when I was born. I float like a freaking butterfly. I'm a gazelle! Sure, maybe the butterfly has one wing down, and the gazelle has 3 legs.. So?

 <----------- Might as well be me

I have the uncanny knack of being able to fall, trip, face plant, nosedive, and crash land randomly. Seemingly just for the express purpose of doing so. Last night for instance, there I was, happily attempting to skip a rock, and down I went. Only just my leg went down. Aliced into a hole, but it was a hole that was made from where a dam used to be, so I landed between concrete and concrete. Flat on my ass, with my entire leg stuck down a hole with concrete on each side. Grace. That kind of grace and dexterity MUST take skill.  And me being me, the immense hideous pain that followed caused me laugh hysterically.

I'm one of those. If it hurts really bad, I laugh. Especially if it's a fall, and it hurts like a mother. My sister is the same way, and she was standing right beside me, so she got to enjoy my fall at least, but was SO sad everyone else missed it! I feel bad for her. Everyone had just turned their backs looking for rocks or some such nonsense and down I go like a tonka truck over a rooftop, and everyone misses it but her! It was one of those moments you don't get to share with anyone.

Kinda like the time my poor Mom was having surgery, really scary surgery so we were at the hospital waiting, and decided to go wander into the gift shop and take a gander since they were finally open, and we'd been sitting there going crazy for hours. So, my Dad and I wander in, browsing along (I need to mention that my Daddy looks like someone from ZZ Top, usually people don't fool with him at all) and I happen to hear the little old gift shop lady ask my Dad "Wanna see my Beaver?" and I whip around and look at her and then at him, and she has this stuffed Beaver on the Counter.. and his face! ooooohh his face! Mortified! And I'm looking all around us, but there is no one, NO ONE to share this moment with! And gleefully she presses a button on the beavers paw, and it starts singing a Justin Bieber song. (it was a Justin Beaver..yeaaah)  So, she says "Isn't that a clever Beaver?" I can't make this crap up people! She was 80 if she was a day! And still there is me, desperate for someone to share this with.. but no..

ok..

That's how my sister felt I'm sure.

I've always been a little klutzy dork. I used to fall down the stairs so much that I still have nightmares about stairs. I fell down them so much my parents wouldn't even come check on my tangled heap at the bottom  anymore. They'd just hear the telltale Ka-thump-a-whumping of my breakneck descent and say "Kelly fell down the stairs again" and continue on about their business. I'm still convinced that the ghost in the house was trying to kill me but that's another story and it makes me look crazier than I usually do!

http://iblog4.me

15 comments:

  1. I understand what you mean about stairs completely. I'm totally convinced that I'm going to meet my doom falling down a set of stairs. I'm so paranoid about it that I refuse to use stairs if there's a lift around.

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  2. Me too!!! I'm so sorry you have to suffer that fear. Scary bastards that they are!

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  3. Wanna see my beaver...to your dad?...ok, we are officially best friends, whether you like it or not!

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  4. YAY! A new Bestie! Sweet! Yeah, She took a shine to My Daddy, Who is 6'3", Has a Beard to his chest, long hair, and is shy, so he doesn't talk to people he doesn't know, avoids eye contact. It was HILARIOUS!

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  5. This is so me. I bet you are one of the select group of us who know how to fall UP the stairs too!

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    1. Yep! Sad huh? I have on many occasion, yesterday, I fell in the river and busted my ass. Now, My left buttcheek is all swollen. I got booty in the trunk, but just on one side! I'm gonna drop it like it's hot, but make sure to lean!

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  6. Same here! I've fallen down the steps so many times that my family has stopped asking if I'm ok. They just shake their heads and sigh whilst helping me up.

    LOL to the Beav! You know she knew what she was doing... Which is even creepier...

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Thanks! I'm sorry this is your fate too! It's just sad to lay there in your twisted state with no one to help untangle you.
      That old crusty broad knew exactly what she was doing and so did I! What a nutbar!

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  7. LOL! Wow, you just described our 4 y/o son M word for word! That boy trips over his own feet just walking down the hallway, lol!!!!

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    1. Poor boy!! I feel for him!! That's me!

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  8. I've learned that not moving, helps with the falling. The less you move, the less risk you are of falling on your ass. But I'm still klutzy, I still spill, and drop, and break.

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  9. I feel for all us us klutzoids! We should unite! Of course we'd probably all knock each other down, but still!

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  10. Oh crud! I just went to hit publish on your comment on my blog about the donuts and my big fat fingers hit delete instead of publish on my stupid iphone! ACK! Just wanted to let you know that I meant to hit publish instead of delete, ugh!

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  11. See, in our family, we find it fucking HYSTERICAL when anyone falls down and hurts themself. Yep, we're kinda assholes like that. I mean, we will usually remember to ask if you are ok first. Usually. But then the uncontrollable laughter hits. I would just be sad that there was nobody else there to share my glee.

    But, um . . . you ARE ok, right? Oh good. Hee. :)

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  12. SEE?? That's how we are! It's funny when people fall! I know we are twisted, sick people, but what do you expect? We grew up on Looney tunes, and Monty Python!

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