Sep 20, 2011

John Bwown's head

No, my lovelies, that is not a typo. I meant to say John Bwown, and I'll tell you why.

I live in Virginia. Close by is not only the Much made ado over Manassas battlefields, but also Harper's Ferry, Antietam, Gettysburg, all close by. Personally, I never understood making a big deal about death, war and the sadness that erupted from it all, or the greed it stemmed from, but who I am to judge?

Last Friday night, my friend Megan, her friend Jeff and I went to a local town, I will not mention which one, in an adjoining state, (that vagueness should keep the lawsuits away) and went on a Ghost Tour. Oh yes, a ghost tour. Bona-freakin-fied.

The host of said tour had a speech impediment that made pronouncing his R's and L's difficult. For those of you, who have a sister/kid/brother/friend/cat with a speech impediment and do NOT find it amusing, protect yourselves and leave now.

The guy sounded, I kid you not, like a Looney Tune character. It. Was. Awesome. Imagine hearing the story of poor John Brown like this..."John Bwown wanted to be baywied in a gwass topped coffin, with his head at the top, and had stipoowations in his wiwwl that he be baywied that way."  He said some other story about someone another who was shoved awound, and what have you, and how he became vewwy depwessed.... Oh sweet mercy! I had to cross my legs and bite my lip.

I know it’s unfair to make fun of him. I just don't care. That was FUNNY!  It was one of the funniest nights of my life. Wandering around while his wife took constant pictures of the 'high ghost activity' and actually got some 'orbs' on film. I don't know what orbs are but that struck me as hilarious, with the filthy brain that I have. And some other lady came down a side street and told us that she got a picture of a mist, which was quite obviously smoke from her own cigarette that she was still smoking. Yep, that bright!

So, for the rest of the evening Megan, Jeff and I ran around talking about John Bwown's head, and pretending to see it everywhere, tried to catch twains, pwayed awound, and generally causing mayhem and discomfort for any and all who may have heard us.

This is John Bwown.

I don't want anyone to think that I am in any way making fun of poor John Brown. Or his head. He was a believer in justice and freedom, and did amazing things. He stood up for what he believed in which was that slavery was wrong, and it was, and still is. The fact that he massacred people to get his point across made him a badass back then. Everything was different then, there was no politically correct anything.
I'm not making fun of him, or speech impediments as my own son had a pronounced lisp. Seriously, Speech therapy works wonders! I AM however making fun of everyone who

A. Can’t take a joke 
B. Take life too seriously
C. uses the word orbs   (snicker...orbs! bwah!)


  1. Oh my Elmer-fucking-Fudd, that is HI-larious. Two snaps up for not totally losing your shit every time he opened his mouth.

  2. Thanks! That shit was funny, and the fact that they were so serious, and kept getting frustrated with us only added to my glee at the situation!