Boom Baby!

Golf Claps to me! I will wait while you do so...... ...  ... Thank you! Yesterday, I returned to Dulles Airport, and picked up my two gorgeous children, AND their cousin, with no mishaps, tussles, quandaries, problems, or shenanigans. YES! I AM that awesome. I then drove them all over to see their other cousins who are visiting from Louisiana, an hour away from the airport. Let them all visit for a couple of hours. Drove an hour home. See? That's how a Mom does it! I got up, cleaned the house, dyed my hair, took a shower, drove to the airport..got shiz done!.. took the kids avisitin'.. drove home, went to the grocery store, made dinner. Got shiz done!
Women get shiz done. It's how we are made, and how we survive. At least the women I know, and choose to concern myself with. We aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice. We are made of guts, and teeth, and elbow grease. We figure it out, and keep on rolling. We can survive for days on a power bar and a bottle of water if we have to. Especially if we had to in order to protect our children or sacrifice for them in some way.


That's why these little *Bravos* with their incessant whining, and their hands always stuck out with gimmee looks on their faces, and repulsively entitled attitudes disgust me. They give they rest of us a bad name.  They always look like they smell something that stinks too, and I'm pretty sure it's them. Smelly Bravos, wash your buts.

Seriously? WTF has happened with women? Women busted their butts to get us where we are today! They rallied, and fought, and protested, and picketed, and were harassed, and jailed, and scorned to get us the rights that we have today. To a place where we could even be able to work, or vote or even HAVE an opinion. One that wasn't either A. Your father's or B. Your husband's. That's all you could have. That's it. Want to go back and live in that world? I sure as hell don't! Women today should feel empowered, not embittered. And yet, here we have these women who are happy as clams to sit back and do nothing but act like little 'useless females' so that some man has to do everything for them.
Foxtrot that!

Now, I will take a giant leap down off of my soapbox.. Felt strongly about that one. 

Armpits and Bad Service

You know where armpits and bad service go hand in hand? The Airport! Why is it that you CANNOT go to the airport without smelling someones nasty, foul, four day old pizza smelling, stank, putrid, ghastly, funk armpits? Every. Time. Wafting..Just wafting..

There I was innocently trying to load two of my precious, gorgeous children onto a plane to Kansas today. The stupid cantankerous beaver(*note-I wanted to use a stronger word here but, I've been cleaning it up) whom I tried to get help from sent me to the very far desk to wait my turn, whereupon I did indeed wait. And wait. For an hour. Behind a man who had been standing there waiting for two hours. The lady 'helping' him, never acknowledged us. Not once, not even a nod. Finally, after I had gone over to ask for a supervisor three times, it was finally my turn.. And we were in the wrong line.

Of course we were! I had only asked three different people where to go, how could we not be in the wrong place? Mercifully, after her being rude to me, rude to my daughter (hello? is she that stupid?) with tickets in hand we descend to security and wait some more in the mouse maze, only to be told that Vapid McCandytits didn't give me a gate pass, so I had to kiss my kids really quick and send them on their way.. alone. Whaaat? Alone? I know..They are 17, and 13.. Not Babies. But still, I am paranoid Mom. I don't let my daughter walk to the playground to play with her friends. unless she has other friends walking with her, and even then I worry. Paranoid Mom.

Then, I had to leave the airport, with a panic attack, trying to breathe, trying not to cry in front of people, because I despise people seeing me cry, and wait in the car, just to make sure they did indeed get on the plane safely.

I had to restrain myself mightily not to go back over to that desk and have a little chat with Vapid, now that the kids weren't there to witness their Mom be a Monster Bravo. But, I was already too far beyond outraged.. You know that point you reach when you are crying mad? And then you are even more angry because you are? Yeeeeaaaaah. It wouldn't have been pretty. I would have looked like a crazy person, and been on the news, and embarrassed my family and friends. And they would have been all "Oh it's OK Kelly, anyone would have lost it" When really they would have been thinking "Kelly has finally flipped her noodle!, we knew it was coming!"

Now, I feel all incomplete..and unfinished. If anyone needs someone to tell her she's an Alpha Hotel, it's her, and I missed my chance for it to be me!

Tripping the Gluten Fantastic

So, I said I would post a Gluten blog, and here it is..

Gluten.

And done.

For real Yo! That's all I got! After awhile, it became easy, it's not such a big deal anymore. You eat, it's gluten free, so it doesn't make you sick, and that's it. You know what you can and cannot eat anymore, so you adapt.

And adapt, and adapt some more. Sometimes, you get glutened by accident, and feel like crap for days, while the toxins make their way through your system. Stupid glutinous poison. But, usually, it's just the same ol', same ol'.

It's the other stuff that's a pain in the butt. You try to find food that doesn't have artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, preservatives OR gluten in it. OR growth hormones. OR antibiotics, and is organic. Who eats like this? Who am I? Brad Pitt?

Me:

Brad:

Yeaaaahhh.... Not hardly.  I'm not gettin' me Mum Pink curtains fer her Caravan either! For those of you who didn't get that reference.. Shame! Just, shame! Snatch was awesome.

Ok, snapping back from the A.D.D abyss, and back to the gluten.. There's really not much to say anymore. I've said it, so I will recap. Be careful little Glutenators. Don't be fooled by packaging. Don't eat anything at any Fast Food restaurant. When your gut feels a million times better after you stop eating gluten, be thankful. Your gut is! Don't give a crap what your friends, or family, or co-workers, or Uncle Gerald, or your cat think. They.don't.know... They have no idea what's it's like to curl up into a ball and die a little from the pain in your gut because you ate a bowl of frosted flakes. Nor, do they know how hard it is to be vigilant in the beginning when you first have to watch every single thing you put into your mouth. I do. And, I'm proud of you!

Yep! It HAS Been THAT Long!

Sure has! It has been a VERY long time since I have blogged at all. And it has been an adventure for me. It's been full of love, happiness, sadness, laughter, tears, rage, health, sickness, work, play,  in short.. life. Life is funny, just when you think..meh..I'm done .. I'm just not meant to be (insert whatever it is here that you thought you weren't meant to be, have, or do).. BOOM! Life says.. Nope.. Here you go.

And think you just stand there and blink stupidly for a moment, or in my case quite a few moments..And then you realize that everything happens in your life for a reason. To teach us what we need to know, or to guide us where we need to be.  The moral of this little tale is to never give up. Never let that voice in your head win. The one that tells you to quit. To stop. To give in. To give up. To back down. To sink.

Swim Upstream.

Howdy, howdy, howdy

I could and should have titled this blog "your life is better than mine". It may just be! I haven't blogged in forevers and evers. I have been really sick, lost my job, have to file for disability, my Mom's Cancer doctor has given her 2 years, which I refuse to accept, and things have been just crazy and chaotic, and just plain sad. I am tired. Very, Very tired. I hope to be on here more often, as I love to write, I just haven't had the energy. The fall depression has kicked in hard this year, and I just want to curl up, and for everyone to leave me alone. I hate that feeling.
On another note Skyrim came out, and for those of you who aren't dorks like me, this is a video game.... an awesome video game, and I am lucky the Xbox hasn't sucked out my soul yet after all the hours I have put into it. The thing calls me, I swear! Kellllllllllllyyyyyy! Come plllaaaayyyyyyy! Freaky ass machine.
I hope everyone is well, and happy, and making delicious plans for Thanksgiving. I am making dinner this year, and I'm actually excited about it. It will be delicious, I will have my best friend, my gorgeous children,who I am so Blessed to have in my life, and I treasure there to cook for, and  it will rock!

Here are the things I am thankful for:

Of course the list always starts with my loved ones. I am very thankful for all those who love me, and put up with me. I love you all! Muah!

I am also thankful for the simple things:
warm socks
hot tea
tv
tucks medicated wipes (Yep I went there! Ever used one? You'd be thankful too!)
good books
laughter
lip balm
sunshine
feeling warm



What are you thankful for? The small simple pleasures that make it all easier, what are they for you?

How to swear without pissing people off

 Years ago, working as an F&I girl at an Auto Dealership, I was their bitch. Whatever the 'boys' didn't want to have to do, I did. This meant that I had to call all of the Insurances companies and verify coverages. Call the banks, and get payoffs or approvals, stamp, shuffle, file, fill out, basic bitch work. I had to read off VIN numbers to morons all day, every day. Sometimes my poor ADD brain, would slip slightly into a coma from sheer boredom. But, then I learned the Phonetic Alphabet. This made reading off those VIN numbers a breeze. Unless of course the person I was reading it to was shall we say 'special', and then I would have to go VERY slowly. Sigh.

But, the phonetic alphabet can be fun, too! We all know you can't call someone a F&*king C&*T. Not in today's society where God forbid you offend someone! *Gasp* the horror of telling someone they have a fault of some sort of other in the vague hope they may change said flaw. Hell no! You will instead OFFEND them, and because of their; religious beliefs, upraising, values, ideals, color, background, size, delusions, pet choice, whateverdafuck, they will claim mortal offense and sue you.

 You can't say anything to anyone anymore. The fact that maybe let's say they were once strippers, and are now power mommies, make's them a former slut, but you can't say that! The fact that the same cow thinks she poops flowers and sunshine better than anyone else, could ever possibly poop anything, also makes her a stupid, dumb, stuck up slut. You know her! We all know someone like this! But you can't call her anything bad.

Let's say some douchebag in the store pushes their cart right in front of yours, You can't just call him or her a Mother F^&ker.  Though, I must say the temptation is strong. The force is a strong one in this girl!

Now, the power of the phonetic alphabet!! TADA! I even added a wee picture for you to peruse, so that you can play along, too! Whatever the first letter of the word is, replace it with the corresponding phonetic stand in. Let's say you want to call someone a Di*k Face...Delta Foxtrot. Weasel Fu&*er.... Whiskey Foxtrot. Limp dick? easy! ..Lima Delta. Sh*t faced C&*t? Sierra Foxtrot Charlie. Mother F&*ker...Mama Foxtrot. That one's my favorite.

Yes, I know..why not just tell someone they are ugly, stupid and shouldn't breed? Because we can't. We have to be nice, and pretend to get along.

Have fun, my kids and I do it allll the time, and it gives us endless amusement.

Is it only me or is it extra amusing that this handy dandy chart I found gives a phonic pronounciation for the truly 'special'?  Gotta love it.

John Bwown's head

No, my lovelies, that is not a typo. I meant to say John Bwown, and I'll tell you why.

I live in Virginia. Close by is not only the Much made ado over Manassas battlefields, but also Harper's Ferry, Antietam, Gettysburg, all close by. Personally, I never understood making a big deal about death, war and the sadness that erupted from it all, or the greed it stemmed from, but who I am to judge?

Last Friday night, my friend Megan, her friend Jeff and I went to a local town, I will not mention which one, in an adjoining state, (that vagueness should keep the lawsuits away) and went on a Ghost Tour. Oh yes, a ghost tour. Bona-freakin-fied.

The host of said tour had a speech impediment that made pronouncing his R's and L's difficult. For those of you, who have a sister/kid/brother/friend/cat with a speech impediment and do NOT find it amusing, protect yourselves and leave now.

The guy sounded, I kid you not, like a Looney Tune character. It. Was. Awesome. Imagine hearing the story of poor John Brown like this..."John Bwown wanted to be baywied in a gwass topped coffin, with his head at the top, and had stipoowations in his wiwwl that he be baywied that way."  He said some other story about someone another who was shoved awound, and what have you, and how he became vewwy depwessed.... Oh sweet mercy! I had to cross my legs and bite my lip.

I know it’s unfair to make fun of him. I just don't care. That was FUNNY!  It was one of the funniest nights of my life. Wandering around while his wife took constant pictures of the 'high ghost activity' and actually got some 'orbs' on film. I don't know what orbs are but that struck me as hilarious, with the filthy brain that I have. And some other lady came down a side street and told us that she got a picture of a mist, which was quite obviously smoke from her own cigarette that she was still smoking. Yep, that bright!

So, for the rest of the evening Megan, Jeff and I ran around talking about John Bwown's head, and pretending to see it everywhere, tried to catch twains, pwayed awound, and generally causing mayhem and discomfort for any and all who may have heard us.

This is John Bwown.

I don't want anyone to think that I am in any way making fun of poor John Brown. Or his head. He was a believer in justice and freedom, and did amazing things. He stood up for what he believed in which was that slavery was wrong, and it was, and still is. The fact that he massacred people to get his point across made him a badass back then. Everything was different then, there was no politically correct anything.
I'm not making fun of him, or speech impediments as my own son had a pronounced lisp. Seriously, Speech therapy works wonders! I AM however making fun of everyone who

A. Can’t take a joke 
B. Take life too seriously
  or
C. uses the word orbs   (snicker...orbs! bwah!)

Food Cravings

I was reading a post earlier by This fabulous lady, who I find awesome and hilarious, and now all I want is vodka sauce. It's overpowering. Must. Have.Vodka.Sauce. On noodles with meatballs. Just the word vodka makes me think of delicious tangy, creamy vodka sauce. I could cry.
For me to have this deliciousness, this culinary delight, this tastebud tantalizer, I would have to make the sauce, and meatballs from scratch in order to make sure there are no traces of gluten, wheat, flour, high fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, flavors, or sweeteners. And would have to use gluten free pasta. Not the same. Not at all. yes, it's close, but not the same at all.
 My kids, mean little buggers, refuse to eat it.
The cravings are what get to me, I barely eat anyway, so going without and monitoring my food intake is nothing new to me. I was anorexic for most of my life, so not eating cupcakes? Piece of cake, pun intended.
But when I want something, and it's always something that would be a pain in the ass to make, I want it now!And I will obsess over it. A LOT. I don't even like vodka. But, I LOVE vodka sauce. I could eat it on cereal. If I could eat cereal, which I can't. Well, I guess I could, but Rice Krispies in soy milk? Pukearino.
No One wants to eat that. If they say that they do they must be repressed and hiding maniacal urges like a crackhead hides their rock. Which, I assume is up their butt, right? Maybe that's why repressed people always look like they have a lead pipe up there.
Food for thought.
*Update* I now have a new love for vodka, evidently I DO love vodka, I was just drinking the wrong kind before, it's grey goose or nothing. Chilled, with a lemon wedge, OH God's Green Underpants! its Glorious.

Life is like an 80's sitcom

It's true, and not true at the same time. In the sitcoms there are kids everywhere, music is always playing, there is always a problem to be solved, there are usually 3 or more kids, each different is his/her way. One may love baseball, the other want new ballet shoes, the third guitar strings, all are gorgeous, all talented in some way, and there is always someone complaining about something.  The Mom works, and the kids feel neglected at imaginary slights, the middle kid is always a concern. That part for me, is all true.

They go on trips, fight with one another, make up and then eat dinner. They all love one another, though the kids rarely show it.

Here are the differences:

In the sitcoms, The kids cry, beg, whine, and it's all hilarious, because there is a laugh track. In real life, there is no laugh track. The mom is exhausted, the kids try her patience, work stinks, the bills are piling up and becoming unavoidably overdue, none of this is funny. It's not funny at all.

In the sitcoms, there is a Dad. he works, comes home, asks what's for dinner, kisses his wife, and talks to the kids. In real life the Dad is on his 3rd marriage, he never sees the kids, because he is to busy with his new family, he may be an alcoholic, do drugs, be in jail, have turned gay, skipped the country, whatever the case, but he isn't home playing ball with Junior in the backyard that's for sure.

In the sitcoms, there is a housekeeper or butler, who always manages to make everyone feel better, keeps the house clean, solves myriad daily problems, shops, cooks, and serves. In real life, that person is the Mom. And no one follows her around with a video camera and a live audience.

In the sitcoms, they all sit down to dinner, eat whatever is served, talk, laugh, yadda yadda. In real life, everyone is allergic to something different, we all are on different schedules, and we eat when and where we can. Sometimes we are lucky enough to eat at the table, and in rare shining moments, it is a lovely dinner where we laugh, and no one complains about the food, everyone puts their plate in the sink and even rinses it, and then you all watch a movie together. As I said, rarely.

In the sitcoms, they either have money, or always seem to find it when they need it. In real life, you scrimp, pinch, tighten, scrounge, beg, borrow or steal, and still can't make ends meet.

In sitcoms, they have big gorgeous houses, lovely yards, and plenty of room for all. In real life, we cram together into where we can afford to live, and make sure to lock and bolt the door at night.

In sitcoms and in reality however, the meaning is the same, love one another. Never give up. be nice. Life is funny, and you never know what may happen!

Celiac Awareness day

Today is September 13th, 2011. Celiac awareness day!  Why is it so important to have such a day? Because without awareness we have no voice, we will never have a cure, we will constantly suffer from mislabeled foods, accidental gluten intake, and cross contamination.

I have compiled some great links for everyone to read over, that are chock full of statistics. The saddest one is that 1 in every 22 people have this disease if someone in their family has it, and 1 in 133 people without a family history have Celiac.

Here are the links I have found:

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddisease/pubs/celiac

www.celiaccentral.org/Celiac-Disease/facts-figures/35/

www.celiac.com/articles/1164/1/Celiac-disease-Statistics/page1.html

http://celiac-disease.emedtv.com/celiac-disease/celiac-disease-statistics.html

Please spread the word today, blog, facebook, twitter, hang a billboard, hire an sky writer, put it on a hot air balloon, put a sign on your dog, write it in the sand, squirt on your plate with mustard, whatever it takes. Let's not run screaming through crowds naked with it painted on our bodies, that would be extravagantly silly, but tell someone who may not know about it.

Day Dreaming

I have been day dreaming a lot lately. About what I would do if I had a million bajillion dollars. That's right,  a million bajillion, which I assume looks something like this: $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00
Can you imagine? I can.
Imagine not having to worry about money. Ever again. Think about it, never having to worry if you have the money to pay a co-pay for your child's doctor's vist, or if the $30 you spent at the grocery store will put your checking account in the hole so you could feed your family. Your children would be taken care of in every way, no need to worry about having enough money for braces, books and shoes, food, toys and school clothes. They would have their own pantries stocked chock full of delicious goodies for them, and you could have your own pantry stocked with all the Gluten free foods your little heart could ever desire. For those of you who can eat gluten, you could stock it up with brownies, and pizza and cookies, sweet!
Your dogs would always be groomed, your home always immaculate. You wouldn't come home every day exhausted and worn from the daily demands upon your time. You could be eccentric!
I would LOVE that! I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and just say " I'm eccentric!", as I cruise along in my hot rod in a different costume every day. Marilyn Monroe one day, Bullwinkle the next, it would be fabulous!
You could have a giant dollhouse, a treehouse, four wheelers, a roller coaster, a pet sloth. Whatever rocks your chair! For me, I would have LOTS of land. Hundreds of acres, and I would let my friends and family each pick out a plot and build their dream homes there.
I love this daydream the best. I know it will never happen, but it could and that keeps me going.
Dream on little dreamweaving Glutenators. "Dream your dreams for without them you are only sleeping."~KF

Abso-Freakin-Lutely

      THIS was announced recently, and I am stunned, shocked, amazed, in awe, excited, thrilled, and most of all sad. This is absolutely the worst part about celiac. Awesome things that come out, and we can't enjoy them. Who hasn't seen the Schweddy balls skit, and laughed themselves silly? No one. It's a classic! A Classic I tell you! I found out this juicy tidbit on THIS blog. Fabulous blogger!
      I love ice cream. I mean LOVE it. I adore it. I would marry it, and have ice cream babies with it. I'm having some dairy issues, and can't enjoy it, so I am forced it eat stupid vanilla soy ice cream. Don't give me any of that "OOh hhmmm quite! Indeed I think it tastes just as good and blah blah harrumph harrumph." No! NO! it does not. It does not taste just as good, and you should be forced to eat soap after saying such malarkey!
      If only I had millions of dollars.. No that wouldn't make my body work right, but I would have millions of dollars! Booyah! Fast cars and faster women for me!
      Sigh...I am sad now. I may just have to run out and get a pint of Jimmy Fallon's late night snack instead. Oh yeah! I can eat that! uh-huh! uh-huh! uh huh uh huh uh huh!

So Unfair

• ---

Our lives revolve around food. The selection of ingredients, the preparation, the clean up, these activities take up a large portion of our everyday lives. Our very survival depends on our food intake. For those of us with food allergies, thoughts of food become almost compulsive.


We can't eat this, can't eat that, can't eat there! See this, want that, can't have it. So we obsess and plan and hoard our gluten free products with rabid looks in our eyes.


Luckily, we live in a world where, for most of us food is plentiful. Imagine what it was like before restaurants, before ovens, before microwaves, refrigerators, even ice! Imagine what it is still like for those who don't have money for food, or a home to eat it in. When put in that context, our challenges become easier to swallow, pun intended.


We don't have to dress warmly in order to endure the bitter cold, as we try to hunt and gather to feed our families, unless you count the subzero temperatures of the grocery store, which sometimes I do! It's cold in there!


In looking for inspiration for this blog, I stumbled across a fabulous site that has a food timeline, telling us when certain food items came into the world. Here it is ----> www.foodtimeline.org. On that site I happened to see fried coca cola. Yes, fried coke! How I ask you? I know we live in a day of decadence, we really do. I have heard of fried twinkies, oreos, pickles, etc. None of which we glutenators can have, which can only be a blessing as we may as well stuff it in an artery as to eat it!


But, fried coke? How do they do this? And why do I want it so bad? It must be gross, it HAS to be, and yet, I want it! I will call it my precious, and my precious it shall be!  How would they do this? Inject the cola into a fried dough ball perhaps? I had to look, and because of my insatiable curiousity, I felt the need to share what I found with you. Here ---> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/fried_coke


I am convinced this delicacy must be scrumptious. It was sent to temp me into insensibility until I succumb to it's wiles! I will stand firm!  I will remind myself of the poor cavemen and so forth I mentioned above. Hunter and gatherers, yep, that's what I will think of instead of the wonders of fried, doughy, devil sent tantalizations.


Why do we as a nation feel the need to fry everything? I have never been a  fanatic of the fricasee, but I do love fried zucchini, and those green beans they fry up and serve with wasabi sauce? OH the unfairness! I tried to make fried zucchini at home using rice flour, and it smelled like baby formula. Not appetizing at all. I WILL figure it out though, and when I do I will share it with you.


Be strong fellow glutenators, we CAN do this! We WILL do this, and we will do it well! We are tough!

Vacation Bliss

Nestled in the rolling hills and mountains of Vermont lies literally the sweetest little factory imaginable. It is the Ben & Jerry's Factory, and my family and I were lucky enough to be able to go there this weekend.


Never one to pass up an opportunity to eat ice cream, especially Ben & Jerry's, I was ecstatic. After a short tour of the facility, and an education on how their delicacies are made, patrons are then given a sample of their glorious ice cream. The best part? There was a listing on the counter of the ingredients in the sample for those of us with food allergies.


How fabulous is that? To be able to effectively monitor what you are ingesting while on a tour, I thought was an amazing thing. Instead of crossing your fingers while standing on one leg, hoping in our little allergic souls that we don't get sick from the wonders we are about to partake of, someone has taken care of the worrying for you.


As all of us know, being on vacation can cause havoc in our systems, so this moment of mine was a scoop of heaven and was very much enjoyed and appreciated. Enjoy your summers fellow glutenators!

Positivity

Being positive in a negative situation is difficult. It's hard to find the glass half full, the silver lining, or the clown that isn't scary! However, it is necessary when dealing with gluten allergies.


We all have those days where we feel down and wonder "why me?", but we can't let those days beat us down.  In order to be healthy all we have to do is not eat foods with gluten. Too simple? Maybe, because it IS hard to do. Especially when we are accidently glutened.


We can however pull ourselves out of the why me funk, and realize that it could be worse. Here are some examples how:

1. We could have horrific chainsaw accidents that leave us with no arms, and we wouldn't be able to feed ourselves at all! (Gee Kelly, you're so graphic!) But, it's true! that would be awful.
2. Badgers could sneak in and steal ALL of our food! (Badgers? really? YES badgers!, sneaky little buggers.)
3. Paris Hilton could come to your work tomorrow and sing to you all day! (How much would that hurt? That would be painful! Imagine if when she finally left the song she was singing got stuck in your head all night! {shudder})
4. You start to believe your family pets are plotting your demise. (Ok, this isn't a good one because I really do think my cat is trying to kill me, but that's another story)
5. Your best friend could start a new hobby where she/he sits in front of you slowly eating cupcakes and giggling maniacally. (she/he wouldn't be your best friend for long I tell you that!)

The moral of the story is to just be happy. Life is too short for negativity, and if those around you are negative set them straight or move along. None of us need negative influences in our lives, our lives are hard enough. Find the funny in everyday life. Seek out happiness. Enjoy the sunshine, sniff the flowers, they at least are gluten free! Yes, I know you are allergic to flowers too! Well suck it up little glutenators! Take a Zyrtec, and keep on keepin' on!